Many things have changed...

So the last time that i added one of these was right atfer all the drama of Christmas break, which is way over by now...i have alot to say about the past few months but its late and i just wanted to add a little before i went to bed...i just wanted to say a secret thank u to a certain agent i know really quickly...dont be down about the other, old stuff...just look forward to whats hopefully to come...

everything jumbled together

so...now its been a very long time since i have been on. so much has changed. on the upside i will be going to UT for college and i am just super excited that the people i care most about will be close to me...whitney, erin, ashley....then theres my sister...and him. If only becca could be closer. i love having a new friend in her, well not really a knew friend...but an old one back. We have a lot in common from everything from boys to just our lives...im gonna miss her so much next year. but who knows what will happen with friendships...my strongest one that i had for years is now gone...not just a little, but completely...and i found out today that she is leaving...weird to think that the person i spent so much time with has never ridden in my car, will never be in my new house, a part of my life in any way...makes me really sad, but what can u do. on the topic of friends, there are so many younger girls that were my friends that just arent anymore for one reason or another...actually im not sure y most of them arent. one though, hurt me bad. u just dont do that to another girl, one u know, were kinda friends with. and its not a game...me and him have so many plans, and u will not ruin them. he is the only person that can make me the happiest i could possibly be, but he can also hurt me the worst. i just need him to realize what certain things do to me, the littlest things to him are the biggest things to me...but i know we can make it through almost anything...pretty much anything...look at what we have already been through...i just wish i knew if he....anyways...christmas break was a mess, so different than like last years. i just try to get through everything, get through the rest of the year. senior year is supposed to be one of the best years ever...lets just hope things start looking soon. im just looking forward to years to come...being around those people that i need...getting ready for the rest of my life. after all the drama, me and michael ran off to san marcos for one night...it was a really good night...but then we had to come back to reality. I just need to try and be optomistic....look forward to things...but really im just affraid...i loose trust so easily, and its hard to get it back, hard to completely let go...i love to be happy and wish i could always be....

finally smiling

Well, its been a little while since ive written on here cause im so busy with things looking up for once...haha! Well, a certain part of my life has just made me more happy than i can imagine. I am scared of things that may come, but maybe this is it, i hope this is it, i hope he knows that...im now looking forward to the rest of my year. i sent in my college appication today and now all i have to worry about is if i sent it in wrong....i hope not...i keep getting more and more excited about how i hope things will be next year. i feel bad about some people though, how i may have treated them lately...im sorry...anyways...finally smiling

what is it

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true...

That God blessed the broken roadThat led me straight to you"



what is it about this town that makes u want to get out SO bad...the people, the places, i just dont understand...i just thand GOD that i only have the rest of this year to go...if i can make it




ps...really sorry becca, i love u and wouldnt say anything to hurt u...

this is all...

all i have to say for today is screw u....im disguted

"...its just been a bad year..."

this year so far has just been so hard to take in, with everything from applying to college, friends, and all the activities at school, its hard to take.

what do u do when everything that u once knew would be ur life is completely changed and u are forced to realize that. senior year was the year that so many times i said things would happen, and here it is, senior year, but those things are happening. i wish i could make myself realize that things may never go back, that safety that i had that "there was always next year" is gone. i need to get out and start over new. do i just forget and say goodbye to it all? i dont know...i know i should just let it all run its course on its own, but im not that kind of person, i need structure.

things with friends have all gone crazy...i dont know whats happening, but things are changing. I love having someone that i can turst again and talk to...i just dont have all the time in the world anymore to sit around and call my friends every night just to talk, im just too busy. My close friends, though, have seemed to slip away, except for a few, and a few i have gained. i just need something good to come up...

this weekend was a nice one though, something i needed...made me smile...but then the week crashes it down. i thought that maybe i would go to the victory dance for the last one il ever have, but i think i may have changed my mind...i just cant watch...

i need that security...something thats always there...

here it goes...lots of random thoughts

So i decided i would try this whole blog thing...posting all my thoughts...good idea? who knows...but if u dont care, then dont read it

today was...well...just another day. they all seem to keep being like this. i dont understand y i cant be happy, but yet again i dont want to just sit around and feel sorry for myself. i'm constantly in a bad mood and usually about the same things...family, certain friends...but i dont know what to do about it anymore besides get out. lots of my friends seem to be doing so good and be so happy and i dont know how i got so deep in that i dont feel like i can get out..

at home things are slowly going downhill most of the time, but that is my home life and i wont post anything about that...but things with friends, i dont know what happened...i just need one thing to make me happy, anything...i just cant figure out where to look