Saturday, October 30, 2004

this is all...

all i have to say for today is screw u....im disguted

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

"...its just been a bad year..."

this year so far has just been so hard to take in, with everything from applying to college, friends, and all the activities at school, its hard to take.

what do u do when everything that u once knew would be ur life is completely changed and u are forced to realize that. senior year was the year that so many times i said things would happen, and here it is, senior year, but those things are happening. i wish i could make myself realize that things may never go back, that safety that i had that "there was always next year" is gone. i need to get out and start over new. do i just forget and say goodbye to it all? i dont know...i know i should just let it all run its course on its own, but im not that kind of person, i need structure.

things with friends have all gone crazy...i dont know whats happening, but things are changing. I love having someone that i can turst again and talk to...i just dont have all the time in the world anymore to sit around and call my friends every night just to talk, im just too busy. My close friends, though, have seemed to slip away, except for a few, and a few i have gained. i just need something good to come up...

this weekend was a nice one though, something i needed...made me smile...but then the week crashes it down. i thought that maybe i would go to the victory dance for the last one il ever have, but i think i may have changed my mind...i just cant watch...

i need that security...something thats always there...

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

here it goes...lots of random thoughts

So i decided i would try this whole blog thing...posting all my thoughts...good idea? who knows...but if u dont care, then dont read it

today was...well...just another day. they all seem to keep being like this. i dont understand y i cant be happy, but yet again i dont want to just sit around and feel sorry for myself. i'm constantly in a bad mood and usually about the same things...family, certain friends...but i dont know what to do about it anymore besides get out. lots of my friends seem to be doing so good and be so happy and i dont know how i got so deep in that i dont feel like i can get out..

at home things are slowly going downhill most of the time, but that is my home life and i wont post anything about that...but things with friends, i dont know what happened...i just need one thing to make me happy, anything...i just cant figure out where to look