everything jumbled together

so...now its been a very long time since i have been on. so much has changed. on the upside i will be going to UT for college and i am just super excited that the people i care most about will be close to me...whitney, erin, ashley....then theres my sister...and him. If only becca could be closer. i love having a new friend in her, well not really a knew friend...but an old one back. We have a lot in common from everything from boys to just our lives...im gonna miss her so much next year. but who knows what will happen with friendships...my strongest one that i had for years is now gone...not just a little, but completely...and i found out today that she is leaving...weird to think that the person i spent so much time with has never ridden in my car, will never be in my new house, a part of my life in any way...makes me really sad, but what can u do. on the topic of friends, there are so many younger girls that were my friends that just arent anymore for one reason or another...actually im not sure y most of them arent. one though, hurt me bad. u just dont do that to another girl, one u know, were kinda friends with. and its not a game...me and him have so many plans, and u will not ruin them. he is the only person that can make me the happiest i could possibly be, but he can also hurt me the worst. i just need him to realize what certain things do to me, the littlest things to him are the biggest things to me...but i know we can make it through almost anything...pretty much anything...look at what we have already been through...i just wish i knew if he....anyways...christmas break was a mess, so different than like last years. i just try to get through everything, get through the rest of the year. senior year is supposed to be one of the best years ever...lets just hope things start looking soon. im just looking forward to years to come...being around those people that i need...getting ready for the rest of my life. after all the drama, me and michael ran off to san marcos for one night...it was a really good night...but then we had to come back to reality. I just need to try and be optomistic....look forward to things...but really im just affraid...i loose trust so easily, and its hard to get it back, hard to completely let go...i love to be happy and wish i could always be....